IF WE COULD SEE OURSEVES AS OTHERS SEE US…
I once told my “blogging” daughter (hereinafter referred to as “BD” to preserve her anonymity) that I don’t post comments her blog because I’m like that outgoing, talkative kid that is given a telephone or microphone and then can’t utter a syllable. Many of her posts make me want to comment, but I’ll just blog instead, and because she’s the only reader of my blog, it’ll be like writing a real long comment.
Her last few posts made me think about how she perceives herself and then how we all perceive ourselves. As I thought about this and decided to write a piece on my blog, I went to my research assistant, GOOGLE, to see who had written the original thought and typed in, see ourselves as others see us…. Results 1 - 10 of about 66,200,000 ….
After reading the first 14,325,278, I realized that I might want to do a more defined search, I put it in quotes “see ourselves as others see us”... Results 1 - 10 of about 43,200 … after reading all of these and taking out the repeats, I still wasn’t sure about the original quote. I do remember that I was nodding off in high school English as a poem was being read. As my eyes rolled back in my head, and the drool ran out of my mouth, and just before narcolepsy took over and my head cracked against the desk, I heard these words. But who said them? Lord Byron, Keats, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Who names a boy Percy Bysshe and expects him to grow up heterosexual? I believe he was (heterosexual that is) his wife was the author, Mary W. Shelley, author of “Frankenstein,” but I digress….).
So what was that going to tell me anyway? I wanted to know the exact quote and the context, but whoever said it could be interpreted on several levels; if “they” think we’re ugly, are we? If “they” think we’re cool, are we? If “they’re” cool (in our opinion) and we’re not cool, in their opinion, are we therefore not cool by extension? On, and on and on. Again, so what? What would it mean to her if I said, “You’re beautiful,” which several of her readers did say, and I now realize I never said it enough, and she is.
The posts on “BD’s” blog were about how she sees herself, not how others see her. I think she’s beautiful, and I know others do too. Can she accept imperfection in others, but is it that she can’t accept a few extra pounds on herself? Would she say to me “change your physical appearance (or anything else) so my love could be given”? We have to accept what we are and do the best with what we have. Not to say, don’t try to better yourself, but if you can accept imperfection in others and grant them love, is it important to be perfect in your own eyes to love yourself, or at least not hate yourself? I’m more than happy that her posts indicate she has turned a corner. I hope that she continues to be happy with herself; but who knows what’s in the cards, it’s all good, we hope, but fate or God or some random microbes may take a hand. We are what we are …until we’re not.
So hang in “BD.” BE HAPPY, and I hope you’re through agonizing about your physique, and as Percy Bysshe would say:
Her last few posts made me think about how she perceives herself and then how we all perceive ourselves. As I thought about this and decided to write a piece on my blog, I went to my research assistant, GOOGLE, to see who had written the original thought and typed in, see ourselves as others see us…. Results 1 - 10 of about 66,200,000 ….
After reading the first 14,325,278, I realized that I might want to do a more defined search, I put it in quotes “see ourselves as others see us”... Results 1 - 10 of about 43,200 … after reading all of these and taking out the repeats, I still wasn’t sure about the original quote. I do remember that I was nodding off in high school English as a poem was being read. As my eyes rolled back in my head, and the drool ran out of my mouth, and just before narcolepsy took over and my head cracked against the desk, I heard these words. But who said them? Lord Byron, Keats, Percy Bysshe Shelley. Who names a boy Percy Bysshe and expects him to grow up heterosexual? I believe he was (heterosexual that is) his wife was the author, Mary W. Shelley, author of “Frankenstein,” but I digress….).
So what was that going to tell me anyway? I wanted to know the exact quote and the context, but whoever said it could be interpreted on several levels; if “they” think we’re ugly, are we? If “they” think we’re cool, are we? If “they’re” cool (in our opinion) and we’re not cool, in their opinion, are we therefore not cool by extension? On, and on and on. Again, so what? What would it mean to her if I said, “You’re beautiful,” which several of her readers did say, and I now realize I never said it enough, and she is.
The posts on “BD’s” blog were about how she sees herself, not how others see her. I think she’s beautiful, and I know others do too. Can she accept imperfection in others, but is it that she can’t accept a few extra pounds on herself? Would she say to me “change your physical appearance (or anything else) so my love could be given”? We have to accept what we are and do the best with what we have. Not to say, don’t try to better yourself, but if you can accept imperfection in others and grant them love, is it important to be perfect in your own eyes to love yourself, or at least not hate yourself? I’m more than happy that her posts indicate she has turned a corner. I hope that she continues to be happy with herself; but who knows what’s in the cards, it’s all good, we hope, but fate or God or some random microbes may take a hand. We are what we are …until we’re not.
So hang in “BD.” BE HAPPY, and I hope you’re through agonizing about your physique, and as Percy Bysshe would say:
"The trumpet of a prophecy! O Wind, If winter comes, can spring be far behind?"
PS -- By the way, it was Robert Burns who almost said “if we could see ourselves”…he wrote in Scottish, and I guess the line has been used so much, it’s English now. It’s in the last stanza of his poem, “To a Louse.” That’s the one about a flea that was crawling on a beautiful woman, in church, while Burn’s watched (no doubt bored by the Preacher, his eyes rolled back, droll came out of the corner of his mouth, just before his head cracked down on the wooden pew) he wrote:
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us
An foolish notion:
What airs in dress an gait wad lea'es us,
An ev'n devotion!
I remember the point now, as beautiful and well dressed as this woman was, to the flea she was just dinner and a home. Makes me want a glass of Scotch!
So L’chaim, Bobby Burns, and may we all BE HAPPY, especially BD, LF, MELBERITO, and DOOBIE.
posted by lawber @ 7:35 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
i read your blog too. and i liked this one. keep em comin
-berito
thanks, dad. it's hard to know what to write as a comment to your comment, only because as i read it i had a tear or two come to my eyes. but thanks for acknowledging me and my struggles. sometimes that's enough. to be heard and hopefully understood. love you! thanks for always being there.
Have you ever heard the saying, 'Beauty is as beauty does.'
A ugly person can be beautiful and a beautiful person can be ugly.
The only thing that really matters is what comes from within.
From what I see here, she is certainly pretty enough, she is just hanging on to some youthful insecurities.
Tell her to write them all down crumple up the paper and throw it in the trash, then take a deep breath and leave them there. They are not worth worrying about.
I just got off the phone with a friend and we were talking about how after her pregnancy her belly button sticks out vs. being in like it was before she had her precious little boy. It bothers her, but she doesn’t want to do the surgery to correct it.
I came across your website when I did a search for some encouraging quotes for my friend who is struggling with her body image after pregnancy.
This went on into a conversation about how Jesus was the only perfect person to walk the earth and that even with our imperfections, God still loves us. The world tends to send messages to be perfect in all we do, but reality is we will never be perfect and most of the time trying to be perfect just leads to hours of banging our heads against the wall and emotional trials.
As someone who has struggled with body image issues my entire life, I hate that so many people go through the same struggle. I think it's interesting that the first sin in the world had to do with food. Adam and Eve in the garden and they ate the forbidden fruit. It makes sense that so many people struggle with this issue today.
In my conversation with my friend today, we were talking about how really our body doesn't define who we are. If you take your soul out of your body and put it into someone elses, you would still be the same person, just in a different body. That was interesting to ponder.
There is an interesting book you might want to check out on the topic called “How Good is Good Enough” by Andy Stanley. It’s a short read, but funny and good.
I'm glad that as a father you take an interest in your daughters feelings and struggles. That is such an important thing in the world we live in today.
I know I'm a stranger, but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the web.
God Bless You!
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